Parent Imposter Syndrome: Do I Even Know What I’m Doing?

Silencing the inner critic and owning your role as a parent leader

Ever feel like everyone else got the parenting manual except you? Or like despite resisting the urge, you fall victim to the comparison trap and every other parent seems to have it all together with seemingly perfectly behaved kids while you’re just trying to get through the day? Or maybe you’ve wondered whether one small decision might ruin your kid’s life forever. If you’re a parent, chances are you’ve had some version of these thoughts at one point or another.

These are symptoms of what I call Parent Imposter Syndrome—that creeping doubt that you’re the only one making it up as you go along. The term “imposter syndrome” (originally known as the imposter phenomenon) was first coined by psychologists Pauline Clance and Suzanne Imes in their 1978 study of over 150 high-achieving women. They observed that many of these women dismissed their accomplishments as luck or timing and lived with a persistent fear of being exposed as frauds.

“Despite outstanding academic and professional accomplishments, women who experience the impostor phenomenon persist in believing that they are really not bright and have fooled anyone who thinks otherwise.”

—Clance & Imes (1978)

In essence, they internalized failure but externalized success—a key pattern that continues to define imposter syndrome today. While originally studied in professional women, we now know it can affect anyone—including leaders. Parenting is leadership and that means we’re not immune to the weight of self-doubt either.

Parenting doesn’t come with a universal “how-to” manual. Whether it’s your first child or your fifth, so much of it feels like we’re winging it—cobbling together advice from books, friends, family members, and the internet peppered throughout our parenting journey. It’s no wonder we sometimes feel like we don’t really know what we’re doing, or that what we’re doing isn’t enough. But here’s the truth: it’s important that we recognize those feelings are not a reflection of your capability or your love as a parent. They’re reflections of the stories we tell ourselves. And what we tell ourselves about our parenting matters. Recognizing these untruths starts with our thoughts and our mindset.

When the Chatter Creeps In

I love the way Ethan Kross talks about this in his book Chatter: The Voice in Our Head, Why It Matters, and How to Harness It. While he doesn’t speak directly to imposter syndrome, he explores how our inner voice—especially the unproductive, looping, self-critical thoughts he calls chatter—can contribute to anxiety and self-doubt. Imposter syndrome often grows out of this kind of mental noise. So, if we want to overcome parent imposter syndrome, we first have to tackle the chatter and the untruths we may be telling ourselves.

7 Practices to Quiet the Inner Critic and Reclaim Your Confidence

Overcoming imposter syndrome doesn’t mean eliminating self-doubt entirely. It’s more about learning to recognize, reframe, and respond to it in healthier, more constructive ways. These seven practices have been especially helpful for me—both in my work leading teams and in my most important leadership role: parenting.

1. Name It to Tame It

Awareness is the first step. Simply identifying imposter feelings helps reduce their power. Try journaling or reflecting on situations that trigger self-doubt. Putting those thoughts on paper creates space between you and your thoughts.

2. Talk to Yourself Like a Coach

In Chatter, Kross explains that using distanced self-talk (referring to yourself by name or in the third person) activates parts of the brain linked to emotional regulation.

Instead of: “I’m overwhelmed and messing this up,”

Try:“Jackie, you’ve done hard things before. You’ve got this.”

That small shift can lower stress and increase clarity.

3. Reframe the Script

Imposter thoughts often show up as distorted self-talk. Catch those thoughts and reframe them into something more balanced.

Instead of: “I’m not qualified to handle this.”

Try: “I may not know everything, but I’ve handled hard situations before and I can figure this out.”

This technique, rooted in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), has been shown to reduce imposter feelings and improve performance in both parenting and professional contexts.

4. Find Your Parent Peer Circle

Talk to other parents—especially the ones who admit they don’t have it all figured out either. When someone else says, “Me too,” it instantly dissolves the illusion that you’re alone. Community and vulnerability create perspective and connection. Both help silence imposter syndrome.

5. Track Your Wins, Wisdom & “Hindsight Highlights”

Keep a sticky note on your mirror or monitor (a personal favorite), a screenshot folder on your phone, or a notebook on your nightstand where you record small wins, kind words from your kids or spouse, and lessons learned. I call these Hindsight Highlights, your “evidence” folder of all the things you’ve done well, the praise you’ve earned, and the insights you’ve picked up along the way. This simple habit, also known as success journaling, has been shown to build confidence over time and helps counteract distorted thinking during tough moments.

 “Self-doubt is loud. Let your "evidence" be louder.”

6. Ditch the Perfection Trap

Imposter syndrome thrives on perfectionism and all-or-nothing thinking. Parenting isn’t about flawless performance—it’s about showing up, learning as you go, and choosing connection over control. Adopting a growth mindset as defined by Carol Dweck in her book Mindset —the belief that mistakes are part of learning—helps reduce imposter-related stress and boosts long-term resilience.

7. Practice Self-Compassion

And maybe most importantly: be kind and patient with yourself. Seriously. Research shows that self-compassion actually improves motivation and emotional well-being. The same grace you’d extend to a friend? You deserve that too.

Final Thoughts

You’re not alone. There’s an entire community of parents walking this same road—including me. I’d love to hear from you, cheer you on, and share what I’ve learned along the way.

So the next time that little voice whispers “you’re not good enough”, you can respond with truth: “I may not be perfect. But I’m present. I’m learning. I’m leading. And that’s more than enough.”

Want to Go Deeper?

Start your own Hindsight Highlights file this week. One sticky note. One small win. One reminder that you’re doing better than you think.

For more on releasing the guilt that fuels imposter syndrome, listen to Episode 11 of The Business of Parenting Podcast: Doing Your Part—Letting Go of Theirs: Owning Your Role Without Owning Their Choices.

"You’re responsible for how you lead, love, and show up in your kids’ lives—but you’re not responsible for every choice they make or every outcome that follows. That’s not failure. That’s parenting.” -TBOP Podcast, Episode 11

Until next time, let’s love, inspire, enable, and empower our families—together.

Jackie M.